Wednesday, December 31, 2008

There's a new kid in town!


And her name is Millie!

Okay, Carra will probably kill me, but her original name was Una. Her registered name is Oakwind's Singular Sensation, as she was the only surviving pup in her litter. It's a great name and so was her original name, Una. But I knew a gal named Uhna who worked with me and in the end, things Weren't Quite Right.

Every time I called the puppy by that name, I pictured a diminutive, Korean woman who spoke so softly that I just gave up even trying to listen. At least at lab meetings.

I tried. Before I realized I was going to pick this puppy I had been calling her Big Fat Una just to make it different from just plain Una (she was a week older than the next litter of puppies, so she looked big & fat compared to them). But once I brought her home, I tried. But it just wasn't working. Instead, I started calling her Duppy, which is still going to be a nickname. Carra called the puppies, "puppy duppies!" and that's where that came from. But I already have one stupidly named dog (Map) and thought I should try a little harder this time.

I thought about Phoebe and Libby, but they weren't quite right, either. Then I started chatting on a message board with a gal named B Girl, who has a schnauzer named Mabel. I told her how much I loved that name (though my puppy didn't really look like I Mabel, so I couldn't steal it) and she said, "I love old lady names like Mabel, Gertrude and Millie."

HUH? MILLIE!!!!

For some reason that clicked and I really like it! I'm having a tough time breaking myself from Duppy and getting Millie (she's one in a million!) to work right in my mouth and brain, but I'm getting there.

So Millie is my show dog. She's looking to be a sable and has adorable markings on her face. Her cute puppy butt is to die for and I have to get some pictures before she starts growing her big girl coat and gets pants.

So far she is doing well. I must admit that this girl is quite scrappy and has no issues taking on Jack. I don't let that happen, but I wish she'd back down and not be such an instigator. Needless to say my shake can and squirt bottles are getting lots of use. I keep them separated except for brief play times together. It may take a long time for them to like each other, but I hold out hope!

She plays fabulously with Map and the two wrassle non-stop. Well, until the point of exhaustion. Right now the puppy is asleep in her x-pen after a few hours of playing with Map, then a quick chew on her new tiny Everlasting Treat Ball toy before recharging her puppy batteries.

Jack is quite upset that she has some good toys (the treat ball, a few baby kongs and I got her a ball to put her dinner in that she has to roll to get her dinner out. She eats very fast--I'm starving!--and I want her to slow it down a bit). He keeps pushing at her pen to try to get her toys. After enough shakes of the can, he's finally given up. For the moment.

At least she is food motivated, so now I have to work on finding some yummy bait to get her excited about working on the table, as she learns the ropes for showing.

Stay tuned for lots more pictures!



Another one bites the dust

The countdown begins as we now wait for the squeaker bits to exit Jack's posterior.

Yes, the first of the new dog's toys has been intercepted and destroyed by one of the big guys. I forgot I was trying to burn off some of her energy by playing fetch with her booda dog last night, and also forgot that we abandoned it outside her playpen.

This morning when I let Jack out, I realized he had her pink pup in his mouth and he made a beeline to the door. I don't know why it took me so long, but I didn't get out there in time to Trade It For A Cookie. By the time I got to him, stuffing was strewn about the yard and, as expected, the squeaker was gone.

I've lost count of how many squeakers he has eaten. I know I have found them in piles of poo out in the yard, so he doesn't seem to have a big problem passing them. Usually he doesn't even get squeaky toys because of the rabid, must kill and eat their life source mentality he has. Goofball. But one slipped under the radar and his taste for fiber-fill innards was quenched for the day. Evil doer.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Quickie Catch Up

So much for November!!!

This month simply flew by.  I had a scant 10 days to get stuff done when it was finally time for the Nationals, more specifically the Pembroke Welsh Corgi Club of America's National Specialty, which was basically a corgi only dog show that had about 400-odd dogs.  Everywhere you turn--corgis!  It was super fantastic and I had an incredible time, save for the hideous viral infestation I got.  Still have, two weeks later.

Anyway, I got home from that on Sunday and had a mere 4 days to get my act together for setting up the first symposium for our Conte Center at work.  5 speakers, 120+ registrants, 15 posters, a break and reception to flesh out.  Not fun when you can't breathe and sound like you have tuberculosis.  But in spite of my sickness, I somehow pulled it off.  With the help of incredible friends at work, that is.  No way I could have done that thing alone!  We went to dinner after at Fleming's, one of those expensive a la carte steak houses, and then once we wrapped up dinner, we went back to work unloading all the things we had to take over to the "show" site.  I felt like it was another dog show, ha ha!  The day went from starting work at 7 am to wrapping up unloading at 11 pm.  Needless to say, I barely moved that weekend.

I trekked over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving with Tuesday and Map in tow.  Jack has issues with strange dogs and I simply didn't feel well enough to break up a dog fight.  The girls had a fantastic time chasing Sassy, my parents' chow chow, around and they also had fun playing with Juno, an American Eskimo dog.  Teeny thing.  Tuesday had the most fun with her, which is amusing.  Tuesday sometimes has issues with new dogs, too.  But I am proud.  And both Ladies were POOPED when we got home.  They love to lounge, but they actually crashed.  Gotta get 'em out more often!

Now I am chilling out (avoiding cleaning) waiting to go meet the Bitch 'n Dine crew for lunch.  I was going to go with them to see the 4-H kids put on their dog show, but with my lingering cold and the dust in the AG center, I decided to opt out of the show, but join in for lunch.  From there, it's off to Carra's to pick out a show puppy!

Good Lord, I am INSANE!!!  I need a 4th dog like I need a hole in my head, but I do love doing the dog show thing.  Yeah, step away from the crack pipe.  

I got a little bonus on my November paycheck, so I guess I'll head over to PetEdge and buy puppy supplies!  

I'll try to do a bit more updating in detail on the Nationals, all the corgi stuff I bought and random stories from the event.  I had a great time and can't wait until next year's, which is going to be in KY not far from Cincinnati.  I was so inspired by the stuff there that I want to get off my duff, clean in my garage and get back to work on stained glass and mosaics stuff.  Make something really cool to donate to the silent auction.  I'll grasp at whatever straws I can find to get me back into a creative mode!

More later!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Because I am known for my rappelling prowess

Most scientists are quite liberal and uber democrats. Such is the case for one of the professors on the 8th floor of our building, who is in our work group. We'll refer to him as Rob.

Some of the younger faculty (hooligans I might add) decided it would be a riot to put McCain/Palin signs in his window. Well, actually on the outside of his window, where it would be a challenge for him to remove them. Being how his window is on the EIGHTH FLOOR, it was going to be a challenge putting them up. As the saying goes, where there's a motivated hooligan with an accessible balcony and an extension pole, there's a way.

Though I missed the photo mounting antics, I did get to see the aftermath. Needless to say, Rob was a tad miffed. What could be worse for a rabid democrat than to be faced with Sarah Palin's vapid, smiling stare?!? Oh, my belly aches from the laughter!

When our administrator Mary talked to him about it, he asked her who did it. She said, "Think of one of your sarcastic little buddies." Then he said, "Did Denise do it?"

Whaaaaat? Did I do it??? Number one, I am kind of touched he considers me a little buddy. I had no idea. But how on earth did he think I would be capable of mounting 5 laminated posters on the outside of an 8th floor window? Yes, I am known for my Spiderman-like building scaling talents.

Being bored and easily amused, this drove me to draw yet another cartoon of me up to shenanigans. I tried to use an actual picture of his office as the backdrop for my illustration, but the bright light spilling in foiled my photographic attempts. So I drew it all from scratch:
I kinda look like one of the Incredibles!

This afternoon at lunch, I got curious as to whether the signs were visible from the ground. Though they weren't made double sided, just the thought of being able to see them from afar made me laugh. And sure enough, about a block away, I looked up, pointed and burst out laughing! YOU CAN SEE THE SIGNS FROM HERE!

Always carrying my camera, I had to take a picture. I love digital cameras! If you look a the top floor, you can see the small white squares that are the back of the campaign signs!



Eeeew, bandage!

That is one of my favorite lines from Family Guy--it's from an episode when Stewie is having swimming lessons, sinks to the bottom of the pool and sees a nasty, floating band-aid wafting dangerously close to him in the current. ICK!!!

For whatever reason, other peoples' misplaced bandages gives me the willies.

I've noticed a disturbingly large number of such bandages on the sidewalks lately. The jaunt from my car to the office is almost a mile. I've seen as many as 3 grimy band-aids adhered to the sidewalk on a single walk.

Eeeew.

This week, by the sports medicine clinic, there was a monstrously huge bandage on the sidewalk. (Gag!) Wednesday night it was kind of up near the corner, lying on its back back with the adhesive side up. The thought of having stepped on this and tracking someone else's used band-aid into my house gave me nightmares. I would simply have to throw the shoes away. Bad shiver.

When I walked in Thursday, the lost bandage had made its way half a block east. I felt compelled to take a picture so you too can join in the horrifying sensation of what I can potentially encounter on my walks. You know I've got to be dedicated to improving my health if I keep walking in spite of being confronted by stuff like this:

This is a double-wide band-aid--how do you not notice this thing flapping prior to falling off? EEEEW!!!

Freaky Friday

Happy Halloween!

Though I'm not much of a costumer myself, I do enjoy other people's costumes and it seems like the people in my boss' lab take it quite seriously. Today there was a throng of witches, a Christian Martyr, a jester, an obsessed futball fan, and a couple other random outfits.

I was trying to have an official business meeting with my boss when he popped up in an ultimate Oh Shiny moment to grab his camera and abandon me. He said, "Sorry! Just saw someone I need to take a picture of!" Cool. Now I don't feel so bad for not preparing well for this meeting, heh heh.

After we wrapped things up, RB (the boss) and I went into the lab to check out the costumes. He decided to stage a few scenarios of the witches three and the martyr. Okay, thrust the rosary and your bible at the witches--witches, recoil in fear! Okay, now all the witches: grab me by the neck and choke me!

I'm not quite sure what he had for breakfast this morning, but I want some!

Some other notable comments from the picture taking extravaganza:
  • RB on Jane's witchy, spiderweb gloves: Hey Jane, I like your gloves. They're kinda doin' it for me!
  • Jane on the Chinese tech's costume: Oh, look! She dressed up like a Chinese lady! (??? Uh, Jane, she IS a Chinese lady!)
  • RB on the orange wig: Oh, I can go as Harish dressed up as ME!
FYI, Harish is a guy in the lab who has hideously dyed henna hair. For RB to make this wisecrack damn near laid me out on the floor in fits of laughter. I swear, I want what he's having! BAH!

I'll have to bug the girls for some photos. Nothing says fun like blackmail material!


And then the martyr said, "Ohh? We weren't supposed to do it for real?"

Friday, October 24, 2008

She's got a big Mappetite

Map is my youngest, my Baby Love.  She's a freaky mutant fluffy coated corgi and she is my heart dog.  She's also a wicked, naughty girl.  She's pretty and she knows it and she uses that to manipulate people.  She gets mad when she realizes being the pretty one and getting away with murder doesn't float well with me.  But I'm the cute one! she pouts.

I used to crate all my dogs at night.  The girls do well out, so only Jack stays in his giant crate at night.  Prior to moving the ladies' crates out of the living room, I used to feed them in their crates as well.  Jack, ever the unstable one, still gets fed in his crate so he doesn't go wonky on anyone.

Tuesday used to be a very picky eater.  She would always rather hold out on the slim chance she'd get some people food than to eat the food she was given.  That has changed since she got sick and was spayed.  Now she's a veritable piglet.  But in the past, she'd just ignore the kibble (you expect me to eat that?) and let it go stale in her bowl.

Map, however, couldn't stand to see a good bowl of food go to waste.  She was so motivated to get the food that she figured out how to open the locked crate to get to the delicious morsels inside.  That's the shenanigans she is up to in the following clip:


video

Sewer Burps

Coprophagia. Two of my three dogs indulge in this behavior, the lovely act of snacking on poop. Fortunately, Tuesday is a picky eater and sticks to kibble. But apparently her output is exquisite in texture and taste, because Map and Jack love to have backyard taste testings.

I have not had much luck in my half-hearted attempts at discouraging them from this behavior. A vet friend told me to feed them charcoal flavored biscuits, as the charcoal would make the poo unpalatable. Not so much. Least not at my house. Carra says sprinkle MSG on their food, it'll have the same effect as the charcoal. In this day of health and fitness, no one sells MSG anymore! What to do, what to do?

For now, I just yell at them, "Poop is NOT a snack!" which works about as well as charcoal biscuits. They just look up guiltily and gobble the poop down faster, before I can get it away from them.

Wednesday night, Jack and I were having our traditional evening cuddle session on the big purple chair. I was patting him on the back when he turned to look at me and then burped in my face. Yeah, you guessed it: poopy burp!!! OMG, it was like a stagnant cloud wafting from an open sewer!!! I was laugh-gagging, so funny yet so very disgusting!

All I can say is that there is never a dull moment with my dogs. Or a clean scented one, for that matter!


I like poop!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Stalker Walker

As I've mentioned before, I have started walking in from the parking lots to get some exercise. It takes me about 20 minutes and after doing this for about a month, I am really coming to enjoy it.

The buses, though convenient, are infinitely annoying. The drivers tend to wait and wait for passengers--they'd rather hold 30 people hostage while they wait on someone chatting on a cell phone, slowly sauntering to the bus stop. Then there's the germophobe driver whose bus smells so strongly of lysol that it makes me gag. So, it doesn't take much to convince me to walk and avoid those stressors, especially since the weather has cooled.

I used to listen to my iPod during the walk, but these days I actually find it preferable to listen to the podcast in my head. Now, it's almost a meditative state. My walks are very soothing and relaxing. And I don't particularly like talking to people while I'm in the zone.

Enter the stalker walker.

He's a nice enough guy that I've known on campus for over 10 years. He's well meaning and nice. But I just don't want to talk to him on my walk. And it seems that our schedules have been overlapping lately. Ugh!

Last week, I came out of my building and saw him a mere few feet ahead--yikes! I dodged behind a car and worked on tying my shoes. Thing is, in spite of his massive height, he trundles along like a turtle. And he's a collector. A collector of anything that is not nailed down. So he is usually carrying loads of garbage, which further slows him down.

I gave him ample time to get well ahead of me. But as I continued on my walk, I caught up! He was standing between buildings staring at the foliage. Damn! Why didn't I go another way? Being ever so clandestine, I ducked behind a tree and pretended to fumble through my bag. He would not move on! Jeeeez. Finally he did, and I gave him more time to get a head start. He'd schlep forward, I'd catch up. He'd cut across parking lots and I'd go around the perimeter to waste time. We were like a slinky working across campus. It took me an extra 10 minutes to get to my car and that's 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back!

I told my friend Katy and she reminded me of similar experiences she had with him. Ahhh, fantastic! It's not just me. Again, he's a nice enough person, but once you get caught, you can't get out. And being trapped in stressful small talk is in total opposition to my meditation walks. I hope he is oblivious to my scampering escapades, though my friends think otherwise.

Needless to say, this adventure inspired yet another South Park illustration. This time I pushed the artistic envelope by taking pictures of the actual tree hiding location and adding the characters to this photo background. Now, every time I enter that area I spontaneously start laughing. It's only a matter of time until they cart me away!




Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Puppies!!!

Tuesday is a grandma and I am completely insane!

Tuesday is one of my three Pembroke Welsh Corgis, and she had one litter of puppies. She didn't much care for the routine and found a clever, life threatening way of getting out of having more: pyometra (closed uterine infection). Yup, it nearly killed her, but it totally got her out of ever having to birth babies again!

Her daughter Bangle was not so lucky and had her first litter yesterday. It was four pups, two girls and two boys. So Tuesday is a grandma at the ripe old age of 5. That's impressive even by local redneck standards!

Where my insanity comes in is that I am getting a puppy. Yeah, apparently 3 is not enough. I've gotten into the dog show society over the past few years and I quite enjoy it. Mostly because I take it very lightly and look at everything with the slant of my own personal entertainment value. I can make anything funny. It might not be funny to anyone else, but hey, I am easily amused.

I hate going to all these shows and not having anything to show. Hence dog #4. You know, because I don't have enough fur on the floor already. (Just in case you didn't know, corgis shed like a nightmare!)

Carra, my breeder buddy and close friend, has 14 puppies and I get one of them. It'll be awhile before they're at a stage where we can pick which one I get, as right now they just look like large hamsters. We'll see if I come to my senses by the time it's puppy pickin' time. Vegas odds are not in my favor.

Here's a look at the newest babies and their mamma!



Weight Loss Surgery

I'm not sure if I'll add a separate blog for this, but I do want to write about it.

I'm planning on having an off switch installed: a Realize Band, which is like the Lap Band. It's a laparoscopic surgery in which a flexible silicone band is wrapped around the upper portion of your stomach. It has a similar effect as the gastric bypass surgery, Roux-en-Y, but is significantly less invasive.

Anyway, I have been attending some support groups as I research the procedure and have been learning a lot about life after the band. For instance, you should not use straws. Using a straw to consume beverages causes you to gulp air into your stomach and to consume too much too quickly. The net effect is to stretch out your new little stomach into the flappy Hefty bag your old one was. Not so helpful in the realm of weight loss.

However, my friend Katy, who is super supportive and helpful made the suggestion to try using a coffee stirrer sized straw. You can't suck in that much that fast with it, right? I adore Katy because of the great person she is, but for some reason the thought of me sipping a huge glass of iced tea with a teeny coffee stirrer cracked me up! I immediately envisioned myself popping a vein in my eye from the brute strength of the suction required to imbibe!

One of my other hobbies (i.e., time wasters) is to draw cartoons of myself. I like to use one of those South Park do it yourself sites and then paste the pix into backgrounds that I make myself. Needless to say, me with a ghastly red eye was the perfect concept for a drawing!

My dear Katy, thank you for being my muse!





My latest pet peeves

I have two in the forefront these days:
  • cell phones
  • people who whore out their children on local TV commercials
I recently started upping my exercise and one way of doing that is skipping the shuttles that run from the buildings to the parking lots. I like the quiet time to think and reflect, not to mention the calorie burn. But I see some weird things on these walks. Many include cell phones. The number of people I see trying to smoke, dial and steer is on the rise. Lovely!

And I had my first Girl on a Bike on Her Cell. This was not a serious bike enthusiast. No spandex togs and pointy helmet. She probably could have used a helmet as I'm surprised she didn't fall off and crack her head. She was steering with one hand and holding the phone to her head with the other (kid, you go to Vanderbilt. Daddy couldn't get you a bluetooth headset??). The real fun began when she attempted to turn the corner! It's hard to lean into the turn with one hand out of the game. Somehow, as she wobbled around, she managed to tuck the phone between her ear and shoulder to two hand manage the handlebars. Of course that left her seriously off balance and she nearly toppled off. I really need to remember to carry my camera in my pocket when I walk to the car! Some of this stuff you gotta see to believe.

As for the other pet peeve, I don't know if this is common in all local television markets or just Nashville, but it seems that all the ads for small, local businesses like to include their families in their commercials. Like it all started with that Watson's guy and his daughter. I thought that she was just a model and then totally got creeped out when I found out she was his child! Eeeew! But something just gives me the willies when I see the furniture peddling teen or the scary singing replacement window tween. Ick. All you did was guarantee that I would not buy your product. Too creeeeepy.

Ice Cream Thief!!!

Our traditional lunch group went to Jason's Deli not too long ago. I was in the mood for a giant salad bar salad, the weather was gorgeous and it was worth the hike. The scary part is crossing West End. Nashville is not known for its sane drivers, and this is 6 lanes of vehicular torture for pedestrians. Yikes.

We were standing on the corner waiting for the walk light and this woman nearby was just irritating me. She reminded me of this middle aged woman I used to ride the shuttle bus with, who would always talk loudly (in a whiny voice) to her mother on her cell phone. No one cares what you had for breakfast or how thick the traffic was. Seriously.

Apparently we were irritating her too. There were four of us in our group and we cut in front of her as we neared the corner. So sorry. Jason's has two doors: one is for take out, one is for dining in. We went in the dining in door and annoying woman went in the take out door. She gave us all dirty looks as she tried to weasel her way into the dining area through the crowd in line. I didn't pay her much attention, but my friend Angela did. And she pointed out that the woman just swiped an ice cream cone!

Yes, the woman pushed her way past us, walked herself to the back of the restaurant, got a soft serve ice cream cone, turned and boldly walked out. Whaaaaa??? Premeditated frozen confection thievery!!!

Needless to say, I was stunned! Who steals ice cream from a salad bar joint? What was this woman thinking on her way over? You don't just randomly cross West End for the fun of it. She must have really wanted ice cream. Grainy, disgusting self-serve ice cream. Eeew. Is she cheap? Does she do it for the thrill? Yes, I may be naive, but it would never occur to me to do that. Plus I'd be nailed in a heartbeat before I could even skulk my way out of there. I'm not so good in the lying and stealing department. Might as well wear a sign.

You know what would really suck? If she went to Hell for this! Even worse than being in prison . . . what are you in for? Murder? Rape? Money Laundering? No. I swiped a free cone.

I hate when that happens.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Entertaining myself

I am getting over a cold and am not operating in prime form. So I am not particularly motivated to get lots done at work.

A few hours ago, I decided I would work on a spreadsheet, registering people for an upcoming event, when I found a menu that was a link to "hot tips." I was sure I could kill some time learning pointers online while maintaining a reasonable facade of productivity.

All the link did was take me to the Apple Discussions Board for Numbers. Ehh, nothing to write home about, right? WRONG!

At each of the discussion boards, it seems like there are two or three contributors to each that are quite proficient in that application, with that piece of hardware, etc. The Smarty Pants for the Numbers board was one Frenchman named Yvon (French-ily pronounced EeeeeeeeeVON inside my head). It appears that Yvon only has one side of bed to get out of and it's the wrong side.

Someone wrote in wondering how to add time, as in 10:15 plus 2:45 = what? Frenchy was quite testy when he wrote, "Deed you not see zhe manual zhat came with every copy of zhe softwares? It clearly says on page 88 how to remedy zhis. If you could read, you would not bee wasting my time." Then he vomited out piles of commands and symbols that surprised me. Huh. I've been using spreadsheets for years, but I guess I stick to the basic like addition, with an infrequent smattering of multiplication. Math is hard.

He snarfed at someone else along the lines of, "You should search zhe boards and you can clearly see I have answered zhis question before. Don't bee so stupeed as to re-post zhe same question. If you could read, zhen zhis would not bee a problem. Deed I remind you zhat a PDF manual sheeps with every copy of zhe softwares?"

Wow. I'm thinking that Yvan took the whole Freedom Fries thing way too personally.

Of course after reading his Angry Frenchman posts, I want to start a new hobby of antagonizing innocent question askers online. I could entertain myself for days with that!

Monday, August 4, 2008

I got a new drug

When you get bored, you really need to check out Moneysavingmom.com!  I absolutely love this site, as it really makes me feel connected.  Connected to a cult of home-schooling, stay at home moms with lots of free time and an obsession for frugal shopping.  I love being in a cult, even though I am childless and work all day (work being a relative term some days).  But they all come up with these ridiculous ways to not only save money but to work the system to actually earn money shopping.  HUH??  Because of them, I am now like a heroin addict, reviewing sales circulars secretly published 3 weeks ahead of time, hacked into by these mommy money-savers, compiling documents that cross reference coupons versus sales and filing them away in my Coupon Notebook, replete with dividers and organizer pockets.

Okay, tomorrow I am getting FREE TOILET PAPER!!!  OMG, I am light headed at the thought. And it's not even knock off toilet paper, either.  It's the good stuff.  I'm going to do the Wipe My Ass Happy Dance every time I go to the bathroom, "Freeeeee, freeeeeee, poopin' for freeeeee!"  I am so glad I don't live in an apartment anymore, so the odds of someone hearing me sing with glee are quite slim.

I don't know what's going on with me, between hanging out with the 60-something dog show crowd and the coupon ladies online.  Perhaps this is a result of not having had a therapist for 4 months.  I can see me sitting amidst a pile of crap that I will never use (assuming my crack habit spirals out of control), just my head peeking out of a massive pile of boxes and Walgreen's bags.  Dogs ignored, hygiene ignored (in spite of my 342 bottles of free Listerine after rebate, did you know BRUT deodorant is a money maker?), house in desperate need of dusting, but I am pinned down by the bonus 800 roll pack of paper towels, unable to get to my free Swiffers and my only-paid $0.18-out-of-pocket Pledge.  They'll find my mummified remains only after a 3 year long archaeological dig from the guys at Got Junk!

This is a prime example of "I'm glad it's not just me."  There's a whole community of people like this.  I wonder how long I'll keep this up?  Will I become a true crack whore or will this fizzle and burn out?  I'm suspecting crack whore destiny, as I have already assembled a Coupon Wonder Binder (coupon scissors go in this pouch and my single hole punch goes right here--that way I can punch holes in my CVS ECB deals monthly flyer and the Walgreen's EasySaver book and put them in my binder for easy reference!).  Sounds serious to me.  It's bad enough my pal Angela inspired me to start a blog.  Should I start blogging about my purchases and posting pictures of them with a detailed summary of what I paid out of pocket, after coupons and so on (and trust me, the urge is strong!), shoot me.  Angela and Katy can fight over my Coupon Wonder Binder when I'm gone.

Once you get a taste of real hard-ass couponing, you can't go back.  It's like going black, baby.
 
I wonder if I end up homeless because of all this coupon induced spending, if CVS would let me keep one of those mini shopping carts?  Puppy Map could ride in the kiddie basket and OMG!  I just had an idea!!!  GET A PART TIME JOB AT CVS TO GET AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT!!!  Of course that's kind of like an alcoholic working as a bartender.  Not the smartest route.  Like a crack whore selling crack to get money to buy more crack.  The similarities are starting to scare me.

Did I tell you that I can buy some Monistat Chafe Relief Cream for friggin free???  Yeah, I have (be prepared for lingo now), I have $6 in ECBs plus a $2 mfg coop and it's only $7.99 a tube.  PLUS you earn $3 ECBs with purchase!  AND the ladies at moneysavingmom.com just found a $2/10 coupon!!  Of course I'd have to buy a filler of at least $2.01.  After savings, it's like they're paying me $185 to buy it!!!  Bring on the sweaty thighs--momma got her some chafe-y cream!  With the CVS game, chafing is my friend!  I can't wait till Saturday because I know I'm gonna chafe at the dog show.  Wearing a skirt, frictiony thighs, sweating my butt off in the hot warehouse building the show is in.  I'm lugging along my tube and will slather up liberally and repeatedly, as the cream is FREEEEEE!!!  Sparks are flying down there, but I don't give a hoot--I got free CHAFE CREAM!!!

Oh God.  I need help.   Does anyone know of a CVS-aholics club in Nashville?

Squat and Gobble Farm

Have you ever stumbled across something completely by accident that simply cracked you up?

I have been helping with some 4-H kids, teaching them how to show their dogs. I was meeting some other dog ladies to help them with another training session. We were to meet at their traditional meeting spot, which is located near the fairgrounds in Wilson County. I wasn't quite sure where this place was, so I looked it up online, starting at the website for the city of Lebanon.

Of course I was shocked to find a promotion for the Squat and Gobble Farm. I kid you not! As you might well assume, my mind went straight to the gutter! Who the hell names their farm, "squat and gobble?!?" My next thought was, "Damn. That name is taken. What am I supposed to name my farm?!?"

I didn't check out their website, but my guess is that farmers Lance and Chad have a small goat ranch on the outskirts of town. Free tours to families with underage boys on Fridays!
No need to tell me: I already know I'm going to hell. : )