Thursday, July 30, 2009

I am KILLING myself today

My dear sister-wife Joy (it's a long story) told a story on the message boards today about a woman with a very interesting screen name. Let's just say it involves feces and a weasel.

Of course if you know me at all, you know both are among my favorite topics. Especially weasels because I prefer the German pronunciation: veasel. Yah!

Being the slacker that I am, I found a hysterical picture of a possibly stuffed veasel and have spent much time making myself laugh by creating various LOL veasel images. I love me some LOL builder! Yah, yah!

Of course, this makes no sense to anyone but me. Yet I still find it hysterically funny! It doesn't take much.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ha ha ha!

Sea monkey made you look!!!!!  Muaahahahahahaaa!!!!

Friday, July 17, 2009


Hahahahahahahaa! I was sitting upstairs helping Angela with some computer stuff when I started thinking about this song. I told Angela it was about a guy and he's in a library and he meets Dracula and how did he leave? Immediately! Immediately, Immediate, L-Y! The song was from the Electric Company show on PBS from back in the 70s. I remembered it and my brother remembered it, but everyone else I mentioned it to gives me a look as though I'm nuts.

I get that a lot, actually.

I said to Angela that I doubted I'd get a lot of success in finding references this thing (to prove its existence) by Googling, "immediately." Not quite enough info.

However, I did Google Electric Company Songs and found a Wikipedia reference that mentioned the LY Song by Tom Lehrer! From there, I was able to find it on YouTube. Holy freakin' crap! (I'd use more flowery swear words, but I'm trying to keep this blog somewhat clean).

My memory wasn't completely accurate (one of the scenes was how did you cry in the library--quietly, quietly, quiet, LY), but it most definitely ended with the vampire scene. . .

You enter a very dark room
And sitting there in the gloom
is Drrrracula, now how do you say goodbye?

This actually exists! I am not crazy! At least when it comes to goofy songs from my childhood. And for five minutes it got the damned Green Bean Breakfast Time song out of my head. Awww, hell. It's back.

I smell like a box of nickels

I feel good enough about how I look these days that I've taken to paying attention to detail. As in wearing jewelry. Nothing fancy, just my cheap-o stuff, but it is nice having the energy to pick out and wear something to complement my clothes.

Today I am wearing a blue top and a necklace with some lapis lazuli stones in it. I love the necklace, but hate the smell. Smells like your hands after an hour of sorting and rolling pennies.

It probably wouldn't bother normal people, but I am a smidgen sensitive. I was even called Shark Nose by a gal a few years back! But that's a whole different story!

We'll see how long it takes before I rip it off my neck! As cute as it looks and as many compliments as I have received on it today, I don't know that I can stand the handful o' nickels smell much longer!

Oh, the price we pay for beauty! Ha ha ha!!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

It could be worse

Today was a typical Monday.  Everything pissed me off, from the idiot drivers on the interstate, to dawdling shuttle bus drivers, to the dumbass who inherited my DNA analyzer (whose mess I'm cleaning up) to the entire spectrum of Asian languages because they are so harsh sounding and often spoken by women with really annoying voices.

However, it could always be worse.  And some guy on Friday really had it worse.

I was riding the bus out to my car.  It was just the driver and I heading toward the last lot, where I park.  We drove past this truck that had about six Hefty bags of stuff piled all around it.  Clothes and things.

Surely not, I thought.  Surely this poor sap's girlfriend did not take all his crap to work and dump them around his truck--good riddance and if you haven't figured it out by now, WE'RE OVER!!!

The driver said, "Dayum!  Someone is having a bad day when he gets offa work!"

Ha! It wasn't just me because the driver thought the same thing!  I like her--great minds and all that jazz.  I'd heard of people doing that, you know, throwing all their crap out on the front lawn.  But I'd never heard of someone dumping their crap at their vehicle at work!

Part of me wanted to see the person discover this after work.  But the compassionate side was glad I missed the drama.  It's funny . . . unless it's happening to you.

Always remember--it could be worse!!!

I need a dog training burqa

Tonight was Millie and my third visit to manners class at Dogs and Kat. I love the class and adore Kat.  I hate the location of the class: outside.  

I am pretty sure there is a stagnant moat on the other side of Kat's back fence, where some rude-ass neighbor is culturing mosquitos in vengeful plot to infect all of Nashville with West Nile virus.  I would get fewer bites standing knee deep in a murky pond.  It's AWFUL.

The first week a few spritzes of bug spray did not help.  The second week, I tried even more bug spray.  No luck.  I can't even focus in class because I'm too busy stifling my swear words and scratching fresh bites.  My frustration travels down the leash, resulting in a distracted dog with no hope of focusing.

I spent most of the weekend looking for those Off Strap On (hee hee) mosquito repellent fans.  I mean clip on.  Anyway, I was virtually tripping over them last weekend at Home Depot.  This week, they're all gone.  Same thing at Walgreen's, where they were on sale.  I still needed to hit some other stores, but simply ran out of time before dog training class tonight.

I hosed down with bug spray this afternoon and thought I was smart because I opted to wear long yoga pants instead of shorts.  Actually it was a good thing because I don't have any bites on my legs.  However, my HANDS and FEET were eaten alive. Jeez!  I even sprayed a lot of bug spray on my exposed bits, to no avail.  

I will confess I am one of those people that will be the only one eaten alive at a picnic. The mosquitos are all drawn to me and everyone else gets a mosquito-free pass.  ^&%$#@!  They owe me money for cortisone cream for being their mosquito decoy!!!

Anyway, if I can't find one of those Off Fans (not that I think it'll work for me and my scrumptious, mosquito attracting pheromones), I'm thinking of getting a dog training burqa.  Head to toe, every inch covered.  I even want the mesh over the eye opening.  Completely impenetrable.  With a pair of Michael Jackson sparkly gloves.

I'd say that would make training more challenging, but I suck at it anyway.  Like I could get much worse.  My lack of coordination for leash holding while simultaneous clicking then treating is laughable!  I should sell tickets!

Thanks, ladies and germs!  I'll be here all week!

Oh, to add insult to injury, there were multiple mosquitos IN MY CAR that snuck in to continue the torture while I loaded Millie into her crate.  Lovely.  Quintessential Monday.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Happiness is...

Well, Angela is back to work after her brief baby birthin' hiatus. My partner in goofing off and 5th grade boy humor is back!

One of the greatest joys in life for me is making someone shoot their beverage of choice out their nose through a well-timed joke. I shoot, I score!!! On Angela's first day back, no less!!!

I was waiting for my morning meeting with the boss. Angela asked RB if she could buy the iMac she took home for post baby work use from him. He made some quip about Apple head--where we have our computers in our head. Then we wouldn't need fancy computers.

I gazed off into space, pensively, then burst out laughing.

"What?" Angela asked.

"Oh, I just got one of those funny joke forward emails. In my head."

I suppose it has been awhile since she's been exposed to non-infant humor because it hit her just right that she blew the bottled water she had been swigging all over her desk. Kudos to her for getting most of the effluent into her garbage can.

Though we had fun at lunch while Angela was out, it just didn't have the same edge to it as when she is there. I can't imagine how hard it is for her to leave that cutie pie baby at home to come here (ick! ha ha!). However, I do enjoy our fun time together (she confessed selfishly) and the elevated level of raunchiness in our lunch discussions. Heh heh.

Yesterday morning, the stars aligned, I made a funny, and she spat water everywhere. All is good in the world. Happiness is.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Need To Bleed

I am very much looking forward to seeing Aunt Flo this month. I am very testy right now. If she doesn't get here soon, I am liable to snap on someone.

Here is a list of things making me testy:
  • Staples did not have single zippy ID badge holders. I don't need a 10 pack, thank you very much.
  • I am tired. I have so much going on right now that I have no down time. I really need some quiet, down time (my introvert side speaking)
  • The dogs are constantly barking and going at each other. Give it a rest already!
  • I think my dryer died this morning after a 20 year history. It heats, but I think the spinning part is busted. Kinda takes the tumble out of tumble drying.
  • Cellphone drivers who cannot drive
  • Stupid people in general
  • The clutter I have let take over the house
Here are some things that are making me less testy:
  • I get a 3 day weekend starting soon
  • I get to go to Jason's Deli for lunch (YUM SALAD!!!) with my gals from work
  • I'm going to get my garage shelves put up tomorrow!!!
  • Did I mention a 3 day weekend? : )