Monday, July 13, 2009

I need a dog training burqa

Tonight was Millie and my third visit to manners class at Dogs and Kat. I love the class and adore Kat.  I hate the location of the class: outside.  

I am pretty sure there is a stagnant moat on the other side of Kat's back fence, where some rude-ass neighbor is culturing mosquitos in vengeful plot to infect all of Nashville with West Nile virus.  I would get fewer bites standing knee deep in a murky pond.  It's AWFUL.

The first week a few spritzes of bug spray did not help.  The second week, I tried even more bug spray.  No luck.  I can't even focus in class because I'm too busy stifling my swear words and scratching fresh bites.  My frustration travels down the leash, resulting in a distracted dog with no hope of focusing.

I spent most of the weekend looking for those Off Strap On (hee hee) mosquito repellent fans.  I mean clip on.  Anyway, I was virtually tripping over them last weekend at Home Depot.  This week, they're all gone.  Same thing at Walgreen's, where they were on sale.  I still needed to hit some other stores, but simply ran out of time before dog training class tonight.

I hosed down with bug spray this afternoon and thought I was smart because I opted to wear long yoga pants instead of shorts.  Actually it was a good thing because I don't have any bites on my legs.  However, my HANDS and FEET were eaten alive. Jeez!  I even sprayed a lot of bug spray on my exposed bits, to no avail.  

I will confess I am one of those people that will be the only one eaten alive at a picnic. The mosquitos are all drawn to me and everyone else gets a mosquito-free pass.  ^&%$#@!  They owe me money for cortisone cream for being their mosquito decoy!!!

Anyway, if I can't find one of those Off Fans (not that I think it'll work for me and my scrumptious, mosquito attracting pheromones), I'm thinking of getting a dog training burqa.  Head to toe, every inch covered.  I even want the mesh over the eye opening.  Completely impenetrable.  With a pair of Michael Jackson sparkly gloves.

I'd say that would make training more challenging, but I suck at it anyway.  Like I could get much worse.  My lack of coordination for leash holding while simultaneous clicking then treating is laughable!  I should sell tickets!

Thanks, ladies and germs!  I'll be here all week!

Oh, to add insult to injury, there were multiple mosquitos IN MY CAR that snuck in to continue the torture while I loaded Millie into her crate.  Lovely.  Quintessential Monday.

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