I won't say I have given up on men, but I will say that I am not holding my breath. If it ever happens, it'll just be the proverbial icing on the cake that is my life. For now, I'm really thrilled with myself for getting out of the house and getting involved with some groups, like Kennel clubs and the Walk from Obesity group.
One thing Dr. Phil recommends is to put yourself in a target rich environment. First off, I refuse to Man Hunt in the grocery store or bookstore. I'll go broke. Secondly, I picked the entirely wrong type of venues for the target-rich thing. Dog shows are mostly women, gay guys and old married couples. Fortunately, I choose groups I love to do, so not meeting single guys is no big whoop. That's not why I'm there.
A little science background. A SNP is a single nucleotide polymorphism. It means you had a little glitch in your DNA and that little glitch can make a big impact. Like cystic fibrosis is caused by a single nucleotide being deleted. Out of all those bajillions of bases in the DNA in each cell's nucleus, just one missing base (delta F508) causes a major catastrophe.
Before I was moved into my new Project Manager position, I ran a core facility that searched DNA samples for SNPs. For neuroscience samples, like kids with autism, or OCD or schizophrenia, etc. Anyway, it's a hit or miss process. Just because you see a blip on the screen, doesn't mean you have some Nobel Prize winning discovery.
It's a quest and you have to work your way through the process. And usually, you fail. First off, did we see a SNP? Yeah! Yay! Okay, let's sequence the DNA and see if it is real. Rock on! We have a heterozygous SNP! Well, wait. Is in in the coding region? OMG, I think it is! Man, man, this could actually Be Something! Does it affect the resulting protein sequence? NO! Damnit! A silent mutation. Pttoey!!!
This is how I am with men in my non-target rich environment. You get close, but in the end, zippo.
I'm not one of those gals who has a checklist for men. I'm not that picky. I won't settle for some goofball just so I can say I'm in a relationship. But I want a good guy. A nice guy.
So I'm at the regional specialty this week and there's an interesting guy there. He first caught my attention when he commented on this:
Sally: Here's the envelope. I forget what's in it.
New Guy: A rattlesnake!
Me: bahahahahaha!
Okay, it was funny because it was a regular mailing envelope. No possible way a rattler could be in there. Nor was it making any noise. But the visual of this rattle snake leaping out of a small flat envelope, aiming at Carra's face was quite amusing to me. Not that I want Carra to get bit by a rattle snake, mind you. The quickness of wit and improbability was what was funny.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He even helped Carra change out her battery on her camper. I quit looking for wedding rings on dog show guys a long time ago. Most are gay or 67 and married.
But when he made a comment on the Corgi Mafia, I actually had to look at the old left hand. While hanging out with Aunt Paulette, Carra and the New Guy in the hotel, I told him how Tuesday flushes out the victims, Jack is the hit man and Map disposes of the body. Her gastric equivalent of rolling the body up in an old rug. I said I didn't know what the Duppy's role was yet.
He popped off without a pause, "Oh, she's the patsy!"
OMG!
Now I have a Painted By Evie image in my head of the three all pointing at Millie. She did it! Millie Dup, the fall guy. But she always gets out in the end because she's the super cute one. Who could sentence that face to 20 years to life??
So I begin my mental Man SNP checklist:
- Is he a guy? (yup)
- Is he STRAIGHT? (wow, actually yeah)
- Is he married? (holy cow, no?!?)
- Is he funny? (dear God yes!)
- Does he love dogs (he's a corgi guy no less!!! Has two and wants more!!!)
- Is he attached? (ahhh, there's the clinker!)
So close, but yet so far away! The story of my life!
Worst case scenario, I made a new friend. And who knows, maybe he has a brother!
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