Ass? Meet Tea Kettle

I have a huge fear of falling.  Why? I don't know.  Maybe my mother dropped me on my head when I was a baby.  Actually, that wouldn't surprise me and would probably explain a few things.

Anyway, my aunt and I decided to tackle cleaning out my garage and making a pile of stuff to put in a yard sale.  Cool.  We're going to the beach together in a few weeks and that'd be a great way to pay for gasoline.

I'm not a hoarder, but I do have issues getting rid of stuff.  I can't possibly throw that away!  I could use it for . . . yeah, no.

After those hoarder shows started airing on cable, I realized it could happen to me if I let it.  Over lunch once, a friend said she told her husband he's "one dead cat away from being on Hoarders."  

Brilliant!  My new mantra!  Now I look at stuff differently:  do I really need this . . . used paper bag?  Broken bird feeder?  Hole riddled underpants?  Really?  Really??  

One dead caaaaat!  

The thought of me shuffling through a maze of haphazardly stacked newspapers, worn clothes and empty Crystal Light containers, with the distant sound of kittens meowing is more than enough to get me to throw crap away!

The piles in the garage got away from me before I came to this new way of thinking. Luckily, my aunt Cathy loves to clean and organize.  I don't know where she got that from and am guessing she's a mutant.  Or adopted.  But who am I to deny her the archaeological adventure that is my garage?

So we dug around, looking for junk to sell.

Apparently I had forgotten that I had pushed my lawn mower into the driveway when we first began digging.  I realized it was behind me when I backed into it with my calves while dragging a massive dog crate out of the garage.  Whoopsie!

I hate those slow motion moments almost as much as I hate the thought of falling . . . that out of control feeling of knowing what's about to happen, but being helpless to stop it.  Damn.

When I backed into the mower, I was thrown off balance and landed on my butt on top of it, which then started rolling--with me on it--down the hill!  I flailed around uselessly, sliding for what seemed like forever and distinctly remember thinking, "Ass over teakettle!" which made me laugh.

Somehow, I toppled off of the lawn mower before it rolled between our cars and into the street, but not before bruising the hell out of my both my ass and my pride.

Cathy was mortified!  I was thrilled, not because I fell, but because nothing seemed broken and she appeared to be the only witness!  As hilarious as my pinwheeling self looked in my mind's eye, I really had no desire to see the real thing on YouTube. Some visuals are better left to the imagination.

I still fear falling, but my skull is intact, we had a good laugh and now I can dance around in my garage.  

Back in the Saddle

Okay, I really have to start writing again.

I just wasted half an hour reading through my old entries and actually made myself laugh out loud a few times.

I don't have anything particularly insightful or witty to say right at this moment, but I'm sure Jack will do something disgusting this weekend to inspire me.  He's helpful that way.

I'm between "walks" this week.  A few weeks back, I walked the NAMI walk and dragged the mafia along.  They had a fabulous time and got lots of love.  Unfortunately for me, Map is a delicate Princess and I had to heft her fluffy ass about half a mile in my arms on the way back!

Here's a live action shot of the crew on the walk.  I love the swish action of Map's skirt.

Next weekend I'm meeting up with my friend Michelle in Cincinnati to walk the Flying Pig 3K on the 5th.  The dogs have to sit this one out.  Too bad for them!

I, however, expect to have an incredible weekend!

Summer starts in the garden

Long time, no write.  I have to get back in the habit of writing again, so here goes!

I went to a fantastic nursery in Murfreesboro with my aunt Cathy and mom a few weeks back.  Deciding to change my ways of buying plants and letting them die in the container, I thought perhaps I should actually PLANT them.  Go figure.

I've been wanting to do something in the area by the dining room window for ages.  I had a dogwood tree there, but after a few years, it died of thirst.  Its remains are haphazardly tossed on the front porch . . . perhaps I should toss it!  Anyway,  while at Martin's, I found some perennials that I loved and were incredibly priced.  Who knew?

So yesterday I got up around 5 am and planted a crepe myrtle, three white gaura and a white butterfly bush before the weather got too hot. 

Here's the spot before, looking a little scrappy because I was dumping grass clippings there:

Then after a few hours of digging, spreading and a second run for extra mulch, this is what I ended up with:

The bed looks a tad sparse now, but they'll all fill in over time.  It's better to be sparse than too dense.  A house just like mine down the street was landscaped a few years ago.  They went overboard and after a year or two, it's like some kind of crazy, overgrown jungle.  Live and learn.

I have a second butterfly bush to plant closer to the porch, and would eventually like to add more beds along the side of the house and fence.  Less lawn to mow, if you catch my drift.  But one step at a time.

Huh huh huh!

I found this much by accident this morning and found it to be hilarious!  
(there used to be a picture of some infant with a mustache above)

This poor child is doomed? Why do I say that? Get a look at it's future:

Yesterday's work highlight

Long time, no post!

Yesterday was quite entertaining. Bob was in town repairing the Reveal and I spent a bit of time in the lab with him brushing up on how to run the damned thing. But the high point of the day was from my incessant bantering with Chris.

Somehow, the conversation had yet again turned to disposing of dead bodies.

Denise: Oh, you could just douse it with LN2 and then shatter it.

Chris: Um, nooooo. I watch CSI and that is not true. They tried to do that with a turkey and it just bounced.

Denise: Really? We put a Hostess Ding Dong in liquid nitrogen and it shattered when we threw it on the floor.

Chris: Ummmm, a turkey is not a Ding Dong.

Denise: Huh huh, I made you say ding dong!

Yeah, it doesn't take much to amuse me. And with the new guy around, I'm amused pretty much all the time.

Tee hee!

Stay-Cation Day Five: all in a day's work

Whew. It's just after six and I'm pleased. I have only two more days until back to work, so I need to make the most of it. I don't have any specific plans with anyone this weekend, which is good. This weekend's plans are to paint that last living room wall, paint the kitchen and make the great room (living, dining and kitchen) presentable. Showering, optional.

I am not sure but my band may be doing something. I met Mary and Stacy Jane and we went to Amerigo's. I was hankering for their Margarite Chicken. YUM. Usually I can polish off tons of bread and my entire entree. Today I had two little pieces of bread and barely touched my lunch! Granted, the first two bites of pasta I had, I snarfed down. That kinda hung up around bandy, and after that, I just didn't have the same gusto for it. So I have plenty of leftovers for dinner tonight.

I ran a few more errands after I dropped them off at work, then took a nap, and then hit the garage again. This morning, I had ripped down some plywood and painted the strips black.

I got some small bolts while out, so I was ready to start hanging brackets to see if my plan worked. The bolts cost me $3. Everything else I had in my garage.

First, I did the one by the garbage can. I have tons of roll-y carts that I'm always tripping over or losing. I decided this would be where they would live. They aren't all that wide, so I also thought I could hang my chair in a bag on it, too. Here's the location where I was going to install this thing:

I mounted (huh huh, I said mounted) the big hook while it was flat and the second hook was an impulse done after I hung it. Yeah, not to self: easier when flat!

Then it was just a matter of figuring out how to load it. After 2 or 3 tries, here's how it ended up:

Off to the next bracket, which was going to hold my dog show dolly. That thing is always in the way (usually I just leave it in the trunk) and it is quite heavy. It needed to be off the floor and out of the way. Here's where it was going:

I used some "free" brackets I found in a box, measured stuff out (using my current close enough for government work rationale), and hung this thing. It all went up easy, but getting the nuts on the back of the bolts in such close quarters was a challenge. I dropped them several times and swore quite a bit. I know swears, you know.

Then I dragged that heavy assed dolly and hung it. Of course I was like, this first? Then that? What about the other way around. Let's just say before I got it to what I wanted, I got in a good upper body workout for the day.

I also loaded up all the extra crates and doggy exercise pens on the shelf adjacent to it. No more x-pens in the house, save for the one by the door. I use that like an air lock in a space ship for when guests come and go out the front door. I prefer to not wildly chase miscreant corgis through the neighborhood.

I almost didn't fool with bracket 3 because I didn't know what I wanted to put on it. Meh. I just decided to put two more heavy duty hooks and hang my sawhorses. That may not live there permanently, but it's good for now. And it gets more crap off the floor.

I think that's about all I plan to do in the garage over this break. I'll save the rest of the piddle-farting around in there for when it gets a bit cooler.

The rest of the weekend will be indoors and painty. FUN! Well, not excruciating. And I can watch TV over my shoulder while I work. My only fear: pulling out the fridge. I'm scairt of what might be back there. Be sure to listen for the girl scream, especially if bugs are involved.

Stay-Cation Day Four and Start of Five (boring)

I cannot believe it is Friday already, but at least for the dwindling week I have been productive. So my vacation leave binge has not been in vain. Warning: this is mostly just a boring diary entry for my own motivation. Not particularly funny or entertaining. I'll save that for later in the day.

It is 8:30 on Friday and I have already used power tools! And I haven't even had coffee yet! It is brewing, though.

I forgot I had mentioned in passing about maybe having my parents come by with their truck to help out with the floor or something last weekend. Mom called yesterday morning to confirm that we were still on. Oh! Um, okay!

Dad wanted to pick up a second massive shelving unit for me. Well, I guess since I didn't go to Nationals I could buy that. Less than the cost of the gas to get to KY and back and one night's hotel stay. Plus it makes him happy to do things for me. Fine.

He wanted to put it together too, which meant I had to make room for it. YIKES! So we we came home from Lowe's and dove right in. Fortunately, it only took about 20 minutes and no tools more complex than a rubber mallet. I hadn't really planned on doing much in the garage while off this week, but the bug bit me a little. Nothing a little cortisone cream won't fix, though.

Mom and I went to lunch at O'Charley's and I'm pleased to say I brought home most of my salad. Maybe the band helped me, or maybe I lost my appetite when she nearly choked to death on a piece of lettuce. Holy crap!

She just sucked something down the wrong pipe, but when I asked if she was okay and if she could breathe, she didn't respond. Just sat there wide eyed. Then she sucked a tiny bit of air noisily. Okay, that's good. She is not completely obstructed. It's a start. I sat there gaping as she turned all shades of red and eventually she got another swig of air. I was finally able to relax once she started coughing. I kept saying, "Do you need the Heimlich? Huh? HUH??"

After she said she was okay, I was finally able to unclench and I had that same kind of sensation after a near miss car wreck. Like when you go to change lanes and even though there was nothing there when you turned and looked 3 seconds ago, all of a sudden there's a car! SWERVE! The whew, I nearly peed my pants adrenaline crash sensation.

Whew. I was happy that I didn't accidentally kill my mother with lunch. She'd be incredibly pissed because she is totally planning on out-living my dad. She has a plan that her dying first would really screw up.

Anyway, the left soon after and I got back to my thing, which at that time was a nap. Heh heh. I do have to be lazy a little bit on my time off.

Late in the afternoon, though, I decided I wanted to scootch stuff around in the garage and at least get the shelves into place. Let's just say that the back wall of the garage is teeming with vermin! I saw a few mice scampering around. Sigh. I guess I should get some kind of killing apparatus. Even if they are kinda cute.

It took a lot of sweat effort, but I shifted everything out of the way then moved the shelves in place. That was pretty much it for the day. I was filthy, sweaty and sneezing uncontrollably from the mouse poo and dust I swept up. Time to kick back with the DVR and catch up on some telly.

This morning I went out to the garage to look at my handiwork. Ugh. This is one of those darkest before the dawn moments. It definitely looked better out there before Dad came over. Now it's pretty much a sty. BUT, I can see where there is some progress going on and even better, I can see that someday in the near future, I might get to PARK IN THERE!

Getting my garage cleaned out is very important to Dad. He has repeated several times lately that he wants me to have the Corvette when he kicks off. It needs to fit in the garage because allowing a 'vette to sit outside is a cardinal sin. UV kills, don't ya know!

When they discuss the car, as soon as Dad gets up, Mom says, "Hell, that Corvette is our tickets for an Alaskan cruise!" Sheesh. Refer to plan noted above.

Still thinking about my dog stuff, I have some things I don't want in my dog room. Big, clunky things I want to hang. I've run out of wall space in the garage though. I have one spot left, and that is supposed to be for my wheelbarrow. I have a holder and everything. I'd just have to dump the rotting yard waste out of it and put it in the garage. Go figure.

So I stood out there, mice darting around my feet, trying to figure out how to get more surface area to hang things from. I realized the end of the massive shelving units would work quite well.

Hence the early morning power tools.

The shelves are 2' wide and I just happened to have a 1" thick 24" square piece of plywood. I cut it into 3 x 8" wide strips and measured it for holes. The plan is to bolt these pieces of wood to the three available sides of the shelving units (one end is stuck in the corner and I can't reach it). Then I can put sturdy hooks in the plywood and hang more stuff! Yippeeee! I just want as much crap off the floor as I can get.

I cut down the wood, sanded the edges, then painted them black to match the shelf frames. Today I'm going to meet the work gals for lunch. On the way home, I'm gonna stop by Restoration Hardware to get a gallon of wall paint. After 6 YEARS of living in this house, I am going to finish painting the last wall of the living room come hell or high water! Then I'll dash in at Home Depot for some bolts to anchor these brackets to the shelves.

JOY! No more tripping over my foldy carts as I come and go from the garage.

Here are the shelving brackets, already in progress: