Reminiscing with Crazy Lisa

Last night was the 4th week of handling classes with the Nashville Kennel Club.  Millie and Jack got into a bit of a tangle earlier in the week.  I decided to let her stay home and rest her gnawed upon paw and instead, took two huge bags of show trophies to assemble at the class.  I played with other people's dogs, gossiped and strangled about 16 stuffed sheep with ribbons and decorative, corgi-themed refrigerator magnets.

Anyway, it has been nearly a year since I had seen Crazy Lisa (self proclaimed Crazy, I might add).  I believe it was last year at the Maury County dog show when I saw her and her husband last.  Lisa is a hoot.  She shows Dalmatians.  And her husband had Barrett's Esohpagus.

When we first met we bonded over this, as my dad had Barrett's Esophagus too.  He had his surgery about two and half years ago, so I was able to tell her what to expect.  Seems like my dad and her husband even had the same surgeon.

When she and Roo sat down next to me last night, Lisa asked what's been going on, clearly looking for some wacky stories.  I couldn't come up with much of anything.  Then I realized I had a reputation to live up to, since I had told her the story of my Dad's neck vagina.

Which leads me to my reminiscing.

Barrett's Esophagus is a precancerous condition of the--you guessed it--esophagus.  Esophageal cancer is not pretty and is almost on par with cancer-nastiness as pancreatic cancer.  So obviously you want to deal with it the soonest you can.  Dawdle too long and you can dawdle yourself right into a burial plot.

The cure for this condition is a trans-hiatal esophagectomy.  In layterms, it means they yank out your swallower, resect your stomach to make a new one, and connect the meaty ends together.  You get cut from just below your ear to your belly button, with a skipped portion over your rib cage.  I don't even wanna know how they pull one end of the meat to the other.  Yikes.

So my dad had his surgery and I visited him daily at the hospital.  He did remarkably well, though he was not emotionally prepared for the fact he could not drink or eat.  He's one of those guys who has a gallon jug of lemonade next to him most of the time.  A heavy drinker, so to speak.  Heh heh.  So no liquids by mouth for WEEKS was not fun for him.

He ended up with an infection in the incision in his neck.  On one of my daily visits, I stumbled in when one of the nurses was cleaning it.  Lovely.  I actually said, "Hey Dad!  Looks like you got a vagina in your neck!"  His reply, as usual, was to shoot me the bird.

The nurse maintained her professional composure, but after that statement, I was known as the girl who said "neck vagina."  

Thing was, the infection was in the incision line in his new esophagus.  Deep in the tissue.  And they had to open the incision all the way down, pack it and let it heal from "the inside out."   Yeah, run away if anyone wants to do that to you.  I can talk about poop for days on end, but a gaping, open wound gives me the willies.

Because this wound was open all the way down to his esophagus, basically anything that went into his mouth came out his neck vagina!  Seriously!  Like he was eating green jello.  He was happy because he could eat again.  He just had to remember to blot his chest frequently because green jello was running out of his neck vag!  OMFG!  Though horrific, I thought it was a great party trick.  Hey watch this--anyone got a jello cup??

He was healed up well enough to go home before his neck vag completely healed from the inside out.  On his first weekend home, I went to visit the folks and see how he was doing.  He was sitting at the table with his computer, no shirt, just some shorts on, but with a MAXI PAD STUCK TO THE SIDE OF HIS NECK VAGINA!  Not to laugh at the infirm, but damn that was funny!

I had to point and yell I told you so (see, it IS a neck vagina!) and he, of course, flipped me off.  "Shut up," he said.  "It's the only thing that helps contain the drainage."  Yeah, who knew that Stayfree had an off-label use for this?

Crazy Lisa's husband's surgery was not without his own complications, but he was fortunate to not have a leaky neck.  I was glad to see her last night because she is so amusing and it reminded me I needed to write some of these things down.  Just don't tell Dad because if he finds out I told this on the internets, he'll shit a brick!  And flip me off.

Heh heh.

And the answer is . . .

Well, if you guessed 24 days is how long it takes a plastic squeaker to travel the length of Jack's intestinal tract, then you are a winner!!!

Yes, I found this lovely surprise in a pile Jack made.  I like to refer to his output as "Crapper Jacks," because you never know what you might find inside!  For the sake of being polite, I refrained from posting the in situ picture and opted to post the cleaned up version.  I'm quite gross but even I have limits!

I almost wish I had been there to witness the event.  Was it difficult?  Did he have to strain a lot?  Did he hunker around and do the amusing poop walk for an hour before it passed?  Oh well, this is what happens when you let your dog use piddle pads when you're out.  You miss all the good stuff.

I love Jack dearly, but seriously.  He's so retarded.

Dazed and Confused

I took this picture last weekend at the WalMart parking lot on the west side of Nashville. Yes, they are seagulls.  In Nashville.  I am thinking they did not get the memo regarding we are a landlocked state!  I first started noticing seagulls near a mall in Antioch maybe 10 years ago.  Since then, I've seen them in several parking lots across the city.  I have no idea why they're here. Or why they frequent the mall.

We do have rivers (this parking lot is not far from a river, but I don't think there's any water near the mall in Antioch), but that's not quite up to par with the sea.  Trust me, I'm a water baby and I love the ocean.  

Honestly, I think they have migrated here just to confuse me. Conspiracy.  After 10 years of questioning my own sanity, I decided to stalk a flock and take some pictures for evidence. When I got just a bit closer (after taking this picture) they flew off in a windstorm of flapping wings and noisy squawks.  They all went over to Lowe's and started diving at vehicles in the equipment rental lot.  Freaky.  

Psssst.  Seagulls!  The ocean . . . go east!

Thoroughly Modern Millie

This puppy is a hoot! She's just over 3 months old, has a smart mind and knows how to use it.

Take for instance today's experience: breakfast time. I had fed Jack early this morning to lure him into his crate so I could go out grocery shopping. I didn't feed the ladies until later in the morning. Map and Tuesday got their food first and by the time I got to Miz Millie, Map had already gobbled her food down.

I put Millie's kibble in her bowl, and immediately Jack and Map crowded around to see if they could somehow get it. Millie was in her x-pen (exercise pen, which is in the form of a 4' x 4' square) and I put her food in the corner easier for me to reach.

With two big-dog--comparatively speaking--snoots in her face sniffing at her food, she was not a happy camper. So she picked up her bowl with her teeth and moved it to her bed, which is in the corner protected by the couch and the wall!

OMG, how hysterical is that???

I may see if I can get her to do it again at dinner time, and this time video tape it. Ya know, why do I get all the Marleys? I seem to be a creative and energetic dog magnet, lucky me!

There's a new kid in town!

And her name is Millie!

Okay, Carra will probably kill me, but her original name was Una. Her registered name is Oakwind's Singular Sensation, as she was the only surviving pup in her litter. It's a great name and so was her original name, Una. But I knew a gal named Uhna who worked with me and in the end, things Weren't Quite Right.

Every time I called the puppy by that name, I pictured a diminutive, Korean woman who spoke so softly that I just gave up even trying to listen. At least at lab meetings.

I tried. Before I realized I was going to pick this puppy I had been calling her Big Fat Una just to make it different from just plain Una (she was a week older than the next litter of puppies, so she looked big & fat compared to them). But once I brought her home, I tried. But it just wasn't working. Instead, I started calling her Duppy, which is still going to be a nickname. Carra called the puppies, "puppy duppies!" and that's where that came from. But I already have one stupidly named dog (Map) and thought I should try a little harder this time.

I thought about Phoebe and Libby, but they weren't quite right, either. Then I started chatting on a message board with a gal named B Girl, who has a schnauzer named Mabel. I told her how much I loved that name (though my puppy didn't really look like I Mabel, so I couldn't steal it) and she said, "I love old lady names like Mabel, Gertrude and Millie."

HUH? MILLIE!!!!

For some reason that clicked and I really like it! I'm having a tough time breaking myself from Duppy and getting Millie (she's one in a million!) to work right in my mouth and brain, but I'm getting there.

So Millie is my show dog. She's looking to be a sable and has adorable markings on her face. Her cute puppy butt is to die for and I have to get some pictures before she starts growing her big girl coat and gets pants.

So far she is doing well. I must admit that this girl is quite scrappy and has no issues taking on Jack. I don't let that happen, but I wish she'd back down and not be such an instigator. Needless to say my shake can and squirt bottles are getting lots of use. I keep them separated except for brief play times together. It may take a long time for them to like each other, but I hold out hope!

She plays fabulously with Map and the two wrassle non-stop. Well, until the point of exhaustion. Right now the puppy is asleep in her x-pen after a few hours of playing with Map, then a quick chew on her new tiny Everlasting Treat Ball toy before recharging her puppy batteries.

Jack is quite upset that she has some good toys (the treat ball, a few baby kongs and I got her a ball to put her dinner in that she has to roll to get her dinner out. She eats very fast--I'm starving!--and I want her to slow it down a bit). He keeps pushing at her pen to try to get her toys. After enough shakes of the can, he's finally given up. For the moment.

At least she is food motivated, so now I have to work on finding some yummy bait to get her excited about working on the table, as she learns the ropes for showing.

Stay tuned for lots more pictures!

Another one bites the dust

The countdown begins as we now wait for the squeaker bits to exit Jack's posterior.

Yes, the first of the new dog's toys has been intercepted and destroyed by one of the big guys. I forgot I was trying to burn off some of her energy by playing fetch with her booda dog last night, and also forgot that we abandoned it outside her playpen.

This morning when I let Jack out, I realized he had her pink pup in his mouth and he made a beeline to the door. I don't know why it took me so long, but I didn't get out there in time to Trade It For A Cookie. By the time I got to him, stuffing was strewn about the yard and, as expected, the squeaker was gone.

I've lost count of how many squeakers he has eaten. I know I have found them in piles of poo out in the yard, so he doesn't seem to have a big problem passing them. Usually he doesn't even get squeaky toys because of the rabid, must kill and eat their life source mentality he has. Goofball. But one slipped under the radar and his taste for fiber-fill innards was quenched for the day. Evil doer.

Quickie Catch Up

So much for November!!!

This month simply flew by.  I had a scant 10 days to get stuff done when it was finally time for the Nationals, more specifically the Pembroke Welsh Corgi Club of America's National Specialty, which was basically a corgi only dog show that had about 400-odd dogs.  Everywhere you turn--corgis!  It was super fantastic and I had an incredible time, save for the hideous viral infestation I got.  Still have, two weeks later.

Anyway, I got home from that on Sunday and had a mere 4 days to get my act together for setting up the first symposium for our Conte Center at work.  5 speakers, 120+ registrants, 15 posters, a break and reception to flesh out.  Not fun when you can't breathe and sound like you have tuberculosis.  But in spite of my sickness, I somehow pulled it off.  With the help of incredible friends at work, that is.  No way I could have done that thing alone!  We went to dinner after at Fleming's, one of those expensive a la carte steak houses, and then once we wrapped up dinner, we went back to work unloading all the things we had to take over to the "show" site.  I felt like it was another dog show, ha ha!  The day went from starting work at 7 am to wrapping up unloading at 11 pm.  Needless to say, I barely moved that weekend.

I trekked over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving with Tuesday and Map in tow.  Jack has issues with strange dogs and I simply didn't feel well enough to break up a dog fight.  The girls had a fantastic time chasing Sassy, my parents' chow chow, around and they also had fun playing with Juno, an American Eskimo dog.  Teeny thing.  Tuesday had the most fun with her, which is amusing.  Tuesday sometimes has issues with new dogs, too.  But I am proud.  And both Ladies were POOPED when we got home.  They love to lounge, but they actually crashed.  Gotta get 'em out more often!

Now I am chilling out (avoiding cleaning) waiting to go meet the Bitch 'n Dine crew for lunch.  I was going to go with them to see the 4-H kids put on their dog show, but with my lingering cold and the dust in the AG center, I decided to opt out of the show, but join in for lunch.  From there, it's off to Carra's to pick out a show puppy!

Good Lord, I am INSANE!!!  I need a 4th dog like I need a hole in my head, but I do love doing the dog show thing.  Yeah, step away from the crack pipe.  

I got a little bonus on my November paycheck, so I guess I'll head over to PetEdge and buy puppy supplies!  

I'll try to do a bit more updating in detail on the Nationals, all the corgi stuff I bought and random stories from the event.  I had a great time and can't wait until next year's, which is going to be in KY not far from Cincinnati.  I was so inspired by the stuff there that I want to get off my duff, clean in my garage and get back to work on stained glass and mosaics stuff.  Make something really cool to donate to the silent auction.  I'll grasp at whatever straws I can find to get me back into a creative mode!

More later!!